Contentment

Saying no, something I don't do well to begin with, becomes harder when confronted with faces I love covered with layers of tears. How is it that such a short, simple word can cause so much angst, frustration and sadness?

I know. Someday they'll thank me for this lesson: actions have consequences. That's an important lesson, no?

Actions do have consequences, even for a parent and seeing those tears and holding fast to what I think is right despite those tears and histrionics make me-- well, I'll be honest-- some days I question whether I am cut out for this job. Today I remind myself to take comfort that God saw fit to give me these particular kids; this unique blend of personalities. I have to remind myself that someway, somehow, I alone am qualified to mother these particular individuals struggling to assert themselves.

I held fast today; I stuck to my guns. I should feel better. Victorious, even. But that's the thing I am slowly (too slowly!) realizing about being a parent; the kids' sadness is my sadness. Their misery and disappointment is my misery and disappointment. Today I hold fast to the idea that their contentment as responsible, successful adults will be my contentment as well.