Attention

I said something offhand to Joe the other day about not liking being the center of attention in a large group and it's gotten me thinking about the truthfulness of what I said. I'm not shy; those that know me know I certainly don't mind offering my opinion, or having my share of a conversation (probably more than my share, sometimes!), but that's usually in an intimate, conversational setting. But to have someone singling me out, pointing to me, in front of a large group? That I don't like. The very idea makes me squirm.

Saying it out loud sort of surprised me, though. I wondered, have I always felt this way? Didn't I, at one time, happily sing solos? Act in plays? Has motherhood, or more likely, the lack of attention-getting opportunities, made me more reserved than I once was? Is this a bad thing? Does it even matter?

I don't have good answers to these questions. Some people are comfortable with large groups and attention, others are not. Some people, in a cocktail party setting, say, will want a large group gathered around them so they can regale the group with stories. I often love being part of that group and laughing at the good jokes I'm sure to hear. But I'd usually much rather be part of a smaller group and have a real conversation about something. I think I've always been like that, but I can't always remember.