Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Big Picture

Wake. Get dressed. Referee fights. Cook. Clean up. Drive. Teach. Referee fights. Teach. Drive. Cook. Teach. Clean up. Referee fights. Teach. Laundry. Referee fights. Kick kids outside. Clean up. Sit down. Correct schoolwork. Plan dinner. Referee fights. Visit with friends outside. Cook. Clean up. Sit down. Fall asleep.

This is my day. Every day, the same, with little to no variation. It's enough to drive a person mad.

And yet, I would choose nothing else right now. As I have said before, I am not especially qualified to do this. My credentials are my faith in myself to learn when necessary and my love for my children that refuses to fail them. Home-schooling this particular batch of boogers is, by far, the most challenging job I have ever had. It is far more difficult than I ever imagined it might be. It is also far more rewarding.

So, the days blend together. There are standout moments, both good and bad ones, interspersed throughout the days. But, mostly, the days blur together in the sort of sameness that pushes so many home-schooling parents I talk to right up to the edge of insanity.

Fun-filled, personally fulfilling days, though, are not the goal, or at least they're not mine. The goal, for me, is intelligent, confident children who are interested in life and what it has to offer, are able to learn things on their own when those curiosities arise and are able to, intellectually, fulfill their vocational responsibilities, whatever they might be, when they're adults.

Yet, still, I could deal with fewer chances to play referee each day.


Laura said...

I got little tears in my eyes reading that post. No one can tell you that these years are actually going to fly by when you are in the middle of them. About 15 years from now, though, you will realize that it is true...they grow up so fast. And you will miss these days, and the time they all were home. But, you will look back on these days fondly and know that it was all worth it as you continue to reap the lifelong benefits of having them all home when they were young.

sixty-five said...

I am exhausted just reading about it. The refereeing part seems a little troubling to me. As many challenges as there are for a teacher in a "regular" school environment, dealing with fighting is usually not one of them. Inevitable,I suppose, where siblings are involved. I hope you are getting enough time "off"; you need it! A 24/7 schedule is not good for them OR for you!

Cate said...

That's what I am counting on, Laura. :)

Oh, I do get time off. Dad is always shaking his head about all the activities we're always dashing off to, but what he doesn't always realize is that a lot of these activities are for ME. While Hank is skating with his hockey team, I'm chatting with all the other parents. So, yes, I do get enough time off, or I feel like I do most of the time anyway.

It is exhausting, but much the same way I see Joe being completely mentally exhausted when he's working on a big case. Tiring, but a fatigue that is caused by a feeling of accomplishment, and it's a good fatigue. Most days. ;)